100 CR Crack Fics
by TheFreakyMentalSociety
Summary: Crack. Fics. Need we say more? Alright. How about..."Gee, purple dinosaurs are our friends and our girlfriends’ are thieves. Barney's right. The world is a happy frickin' playground." NOW do you want to click on this? I thought so. ;D
1. The Birdhouse Explanation

**Hey guys, it's Pyro aka FreakyGeniusGirl here. I have come up with a brilliant idea that I want to post under the "Mental" account, as the idea pertains to that word precisely. Here, we as a group shall be posting crack ficlets featuring all of our favorite characters from Camp Rock. Read, enjoy, review. **

**(Oh, and for those few of you who ARE members of the society and had no idea that I would be posting this, err, surprise?)**

**Oh yeah, I own nothing pertaining to Camp Rock.**

**The One With The Birdhouse**

**A CR Crack Fic by pyrolyn-776**

--

Once upon a September of two thousand and eight years, there lived a boy who called himself Jason. Okay, so technically speaking he didn't refer to himself as Jason, other people referred to him as Jason. He...you get the point.

Anyhoo, Jason was what one would describe to be a rather happy young lad. He was always smiling, a touchy-feely kind of guy. Some people would even call him gay, that's how happy he was.

However, Jason did have his peculiarities. He, for example, always made sure to wake up at 5: 24 a.m. precisely, not a minute before or after. Heh, there was one time that Shane and Nate reset his clock so that it read 7:24 when it went off, though it truly was 5:24, and Jason...he went into a pyschotic frenzy, shouting profanities that would have disgraced his mother to the very core. The look on his face when the truth was revealed, oh if only looks could kill. Shane and Nate would be a pile of ash.

The single most odd thing about Jason though, trumping over his OCD with his alarm, was his obsession with birdhouses. First off: Who the hell is obsessed with birdhouses? And secondly: Why _birdhouses _of all things?

Sit back and relax kiddies, because you're about to find out.

* * *

Shane was walking over to Jason, holding an ugly ass, cardboard box in his hands. With a smile as wide as a banana peal spread across his face, he stopped directly in front of Jason.

Jason looked up. "Hi Shane!" he said enthusiastically, disregarding the box in Shane's hands.

Shane held out the box. "Here, happy birthday."

"It's my birthday!?" Jason jumped up, taking the box in his hands.

Shane continued to smile, clenching his teeth together. "Uh huh."

Jason shook the box. "What'd you get me?" His eyes lit up as he thought of all the possibilities.

"You could always open it to find out."

Jason began to list off the numerous oddities that only he would ask for as gifts. "I got it!" He jumped up. "You got me a fire resistant," he started off, as Shane finally tuned the poor guy out.

"Jason! Just open the damn box."

"Okay!" Jason complied, ripping the poor box to shreds. He peeked inside, his once happy smile immediately vanishing. Pulling out a cluster of popsicle sticks he looked from the piece of crap to Shane. "What is this?"

"It's a birdhouse."

Jason stared down at the popsicle sticks once more.

"This is a...birdhouse?"

"Yeah."

Jason once again, stared at Shane's creation. "Are you sure, because it looks to me like you just ate some popsicles and stuck them together."

Shane rolled his eyes. "Would I do that to you?"

"Err, no?"

"Exactly, so take your birdhouse and enjoy." And then Shane walked away, leaving Jason to his "birdhouse".

Slowly, a new smile graced Jason's face. Hugging the birdhouse to his chest, he skipped away, years of an unhealthy obsession just waiting to happen.

In the end, we all must ask ourselves: Is it Jason or _Shane _that is the dumb one?

You decide.

* * *

**A/N: Heh, I've got way too much time on my hands, lol.**


	2. Damn Typos

**Kana here. This is another installment of 100 CR crack fics, which brings up our chapters to a grand total of two! Hehe, purely written on boredom. But I'm not sure if this qualifies as a crack fic or not... It's not exactly all that funny...**

**The One With The Typos**

**A CR Crack Fic by Black Mardie**

--

Tess slammed her hands on her keyboard. Damn typos, she thought bitterly. She knew she wasn't much of a typist, but her 1000 word essay called for her rather non-existent typing skills, as no one else was around.

She let out an irritated sigh. This was the tenth typo she'd had in the last four minutes. Damn it, how bad of a typist was she?

Fortunately, the doorbell rang before she could do anymore damage to her prized computer. She vaguely heard someone say, "Hello, Miss E-" before being cut off by a door being slammed.

Ella. Joy.

It wasn't that she didn't like Ella. The hyperactive girl always made her laugh. But now was NOT the time. Typing and Ella just didn't mix. Usually, it ended up with Tess getting pissed and screaming bloody murder, her (rather expensive) computer getting destroyed to pieces, and Ella crying in a corner about how Tess didn't love her.

"Tess!" Ella squealed, launching herself at the back of the blonde. Grunting at the sudden impact, Tess returned her hug awkwardly, while still turned to face her computer.

"Hi, Ella." Her response was flat and annoyed, making Ella's smile droop slightly.

"What's wrong?" said girl said tentatively. "Did I do something wrong?"

Turning towards Ella, Tess shot a brief, but warm, smile at the insecure Filipino. "Of course not. I'm just typing my essay." She finished with a glare at her computer before turning to see Ella's mouth in a nice round 'O'.

Turning back around towards her keyboard, Tess began to type once more. She stiffened when she felt Ella's dainty hands on her shoulder, but relaxed when she felt her start massaging them.

"Relax, Tess." she cooed. "Now, close your eyes." Tess complied. "Picture a happy place. A meadow, or in your case, a mall." Tess couldn't help but smile at the comment.

"Now relax. Relax. Relax." She went on repeating this, over and over.

Tess cracked an eyelid open. "Ella," she began, but was soon cut off by Ella's mantra.

"Ella." she repeated. During the process of attempting to relax Tess, Ella had gone into her own happy place, a stupid grin stretched across her features. The saying, "Take your own advice," always seemed to apply to Ella...

"Ella!" At this, said girl snapped out of her trance and looked questioningly at Tess.

"Yeah?" Ella blinked down owlishly at her. Tess let out an aggravated sigh.

"Isn't that supposed to help me when I'm under stress? I just need help with typing."

Once again, Ella's mouth formed that nice 'O' everyone seemed to see.

Rolling her eyes, Tess turned back to her computer, glaring at the keyboard once more. Letting out an annoyed sigh and began typing.

Great. A typo.

She felt her left eyebrow twitch. "Damn typos..."

* * *

**Eh, not my best work. Oh well. It's decent. Reviews are appreciated.**


	3. Barney

I own nothing affiliated with Camp Rock.

**A/N: I got bored. Crack fics now being revived. Whoo!**

**The One With The Purple Dinosaur**

**A CR Crack Fic by pyrolyn-776 (aka that author who wrote that one story for that one pairing)**

--

_"I love you! You love me! We're a happy family!" _These were the words of wisdom that were first spoken scarcely, in the security of five year-old groups, who knew not of annoyance and frustration, but of fun, purple dinosaurs, and ABC's. So, you might ask, who's singing now? Answer: Jason and his five year-old fans.

"Oh, my God. Make it stop!" Who is this speaker, opposing such a song, you might wonder. Answer: Shane.

Expected reaction: Oh. Right. Duh.

_"With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you!" _Jason, with his guitar and a pretty little smile, belted out the words, the circle of kiddies giggling right along, clapping their hands enthusiastically.

_Holy fuck, _thought Shane. _What am I doing here? _"Please! For the love of God and all that is sacred! MAKE IT STOP!" He, along with Caitlyn, Jason, and Nate were at a small little studio, promoting their songs within "younger" crowds. When he first heard the idea, he thought it was great. He thought by _younger _they meant fourteen year-olds, thirteen year-olds. He did not, however, think they meant five, four, and three year-olds. THAT thought was just too freakin' absurd.

_"Won't you say you love me, too!" _

Shane put his head in his hands, misery being the primary feeling. _I hate my life. I hate my life. I hate my life. _"Silence is golden, damn it!" he cursed, most of the mothers of said kiddies staring disapprovingly at him while a few of them batted their eyelashes. _Oh, slay me. _

"So why don't you shut up?" Caitlyn asked mockingly, giving him her infamous 'you're going to die alone' look.

_"Barney is a dinosaur from our imagination!" _

Was it just Shane or were the kids getting louder?

He finally lost it and threw caution to the wind. Standing up from his seated position, he frantically waved his arms around, screeching, "I DON'T GIVE A FLYING FUCK WHERE THAT STUPID PEDOPHILE CAME FROM! SHUT. UP."

The mothers, outsmarting the pop-star, put their hands over their darling angels' ears', smirking at him as they did. _"And when he's tall he's what we call a dinosaur sensation!"_

Shane was going to go crazy if they didn't shut up. He looked towards his comrade, and last hope. "Brain cells, Jason! You're KILLING them. For all of these children! For yourself, especially! DO YOU WANT US ALL TO DIE FROM THE SHIT POURING OUT OF YOUR MOUTH!?" He was roaring, seething, while Caitlyn merely stood by him, laughing her ass off at the free amusement.

The song was over, and thus the endless "Barney" chant began. **_"BARNEY! BARNEY! BARNEY!"_**

"SHUT. UP!!!" Two guesses as to who that was.

"YOU SHUT UP, UGLY OLD MAN!" A little girl, no more than four, stomped on his foot, and stuck out her tongue. "YOU. ARE. A. DISGRACE. TO. MANKIND!" After the last word, she turned to her mommy and stuck up her thumb, giggling.

Shane glared down at his foot, before realization of what she said about him dawned on him. "WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?"

"Ugly. Old. Disgrace. Gosh, I didn't realize you were _stupid, _too. You know, Barney could help you with that."

"HOLY FU-"

Caitlyn, with one hand on her aching stomach, placed her other hand on Shane's shoulder. Laughing, she said, "Shane. Seriously. Stop cussing. You're merely displaying how immature and stupid you truly are."

Shane waved her away. "You shush it, little miss producer-girl."

"You realize you're acting like you're five years old, right?" She was amused, and secretly she wondered just how long Shane could keep up with them. She was fairly certain he was about to lose.

"I'm not the one singing songs about a sexually confused _dinosaur_!"

"I rest my case," Caitlyn finished, sticking her tongue out at him and placing her hands gently on her hips.

_"Barney's friends are big and small and come from lots of places!" _

_Aww, shit, they started a new song. Fuck a flippin' duck, Barney._ Shane laughed quietly at his unsaid comment, before turning towards the parents. He mocked, "We call those places _therapy _and _penitentiaries_."

"You're an idiot." Caitlyn slapped his head, and shook her own sadly. _What a poor, sadistic little pop-star. _

The song merely continued on, the mothers refusing to say a word to Shane. _"After school they meet to play and sing with happy faces!"_

Shane collapsed back in his seat and cursed, "God, who _wrote _this sugar-y bunch of lies?"

"_Barney teaches lots of things like how to play pretend!"_

Caitlyn shrugged, and sat down on his lap, kissing his cheek lightly. "Who cares? You need to calm down."

_"ABC's and 1, 2, 3's and how to make a friend!" _

"I AM calm."

"Of course you are." Clearly, little miss producer-girl didn't agree.

"I am!" he insisted.

Caitlyn smiled at him, before offering, "I'll give you a hundred bucks to shut up, Shane."

"You don't have a hundred bucks," Shane whined.

"Neither do you. Remind me to give you your wallet back tomorrow."

Shane rolled his eyes, but hugged her in closer regardless. "Gee, purple dinosaurs are our friends and our girlfriends' are thieves. Barney's right. The world is a happy frickin' playground."


End file.
